Fantasy

Blizzard White Roses

in a long-stemmed
hand blown vase
of purple, gold and green hues

with wispy deep blue accent baby's breath

stood proudly on the table

it was such an elegant arrangement
the rest of the room appeared
much too out of place
for such greatness and beauty

but she didn't care
she loved gazing on the
perfection of God's work
and their pureness glowing through

She thought of all the different
moments in her life that were
so near perfection
that it was as if God was giving her snipits
of what heaven would be like
when she arrived

One weekend when she spent 3 blissful days
of youth
with a man she fell in love with instantly
They danced, they ate, they swam
he held her in his arms as if
her were carrying her to bed
but they were in the water
and he kissed her endlessly

It was a love upon first sight
young and unencumbered
with the questions she would ask herself years later
when met with the same emotions
upon meeting another intriguing and handsomely tall man

but alas, he was leaving for Japan
and she never saw him again,
even though she wrote him a letter every day
for over 6 months and he wrote her the same
but then he met someone else
and she was ...
well that isn't what this post is about

Then the night she spent with a man
she hardly knew, kissing for hours on her couch
with him not making another move
but simply enjoying kissing for hours
and talking and laughing

eventually, it did lead to more,
but not anytime soon.
Her favorite day, out of two years with him,
was the day they hiked at Palo Duro Canyon
and he was in such awe of God's creation
of erosion
animated and elated
she watched as he showed a part of him
that she had never seen
his vulnerability and true caring for her
she cried that night, after he was asleep
they were closer than they had ever been...
but all good things must come to an end
and she let him go
knowing it wasn't to be

Another was a weekend in a statepark
with a man she will always love and care about
It rained
They got lost on a hike
It was unbearably hot
and yet
they laughed, they cooked, they made love constantly
until she could hardly walk
and late at night
he surprised her with rose petals
candles, a portable fan, a dragon tattoo, among other things
and a trip into town for ice cream

the next morning he cooked her breakfast by the water
as the sun was rising
and she still enjoys looking at those pictures
but her favorite quote from him
was
Not enough wine
Not enough time
Not enough you

On her 42nd birthday
she went out
to go dancing
she wanted to see
if she still could after she had knee surgery
and things hadn't been quite right since
and she found a wonderful dance partner
who she explained to
that she wasn't 42,
she was two 21 year olds in one
and they enjoyed their time together
and now
they still tango
on Sunday afternoons
whenever they can
even though he lives too far away
he is better to her
than any man has ever been
and yet
he can never be truly hers
and they both know it
but they enjoy the time they do have together
and she is glad he is in her life

and then there was the man
who sang to her
making her blush
holding her hand
taking the lead but not brazenly
he talked big
and she liked what she heard
and many of those memories still hurt
but the quote
the quote she will never forget
is
I am not calling because I am needy
I am calling
because I want you to know
you have the most beautiful eyes
and I want you to know
I love you so very much

and it still brings tears to her eyes when she hears it
in her head

but the most recent one
that brought her a smile
was a new man
kissing her for hours on end
as they sat on her couch
with candles burning
and Norah Jones playing in the background

She even smiled as they were kissing
because for so long
she had wanted to hear that particular song
while with a man
in a romantic setting
and for years
it didn't come true

so as she stared
as the memories
were flooding over her
the white roses
appeared in her sights again
and the visions of the past
faded away

there were tears falling down her face
but she smiled and knew
so many good things have come
and gone
she shouldn't be sad
she should be glad for all she has had
however fleeting it may be.