Merry Christmas to ME

Right after Thanksgiving

he called

he asked her to meet him

at the usual spot


She was so relieved

She didn't think he would

after the last big conversation

where she was concerned

about her health

and he thought her symptoms

more than just stress

although she knew better


She thought he was gunshy

and would not be back

soon

or at all.

Perhaps the relationship

had

as she had dreaded

run it's course....

but then

here he was

on the phone

asking for her company

and she accepted

in absolute ecstasy


Their afternoons

are always great

and this one was no different

so she stepped out

on a limb

and said


"You know what

I want for Christmas?"


and he replied

with a bit of hesitation

in his voice


"what would that be?"


and she said


I would like you to come to see me

to stay the night

to cook a great meal

to eat together

perhaps a dance or two

and breakfast in the morning


and he was silent

and their afternoon passed

in a blur of laughter,

passion, and love

though they will never discuss it.


She knew she would not see him

the next weekend

he was attending a birthday party

for his granddaughter

in the far north.


Then the weekend

after the birthday party

she thought she might get

a Sunday afternoon

invitation

and then the call came


only he asked

if he could spend

Friday night with her

in her abode





She was so happy

and stated an emphatic

YES


Then he asked

if they could forego

the gift giving this

season

and she replied

Yes Sir, but

You are already giving me

the gift I asked for


and later she asked


but what if I already

have your gift?


so he gave in

for once

which is rare for him


and then he showed up

on time

with a smile on his face

They played,

They talked,

They cooked BLT's

(favorite staple)

and they showered

the evening was all

she wanted it to be

and more


except for the dancing

which he explained



the last two times he had danced

had been with her

and they were far and few between

so she gave into that one



and she was happy

when he left her the next morning

feeling like her Christmas

couldn't get any better



He called on Saturday

to see how she felt,

if her back hurt, or she was tired



He called on Monday

because he was sick

and wondered if she was

and then she found out

he had slept

in a cold cabin

on a cold night

on a hunting lease

and he was paying for it

with a cold

or the flu

but no



she wasn't sick



He called on Thursday

and said

he wasn't calling again

because he had called

the last three times



she laughed



and he asked about her

weekend plans



she said she had few plans

he asked if she would like

him to spend Sunday night with him



Christmas Eve Eve?

Hell Yeah she would

what happened that she got this

wonderful opportunity?

she didn't care

she took him up on it





He showed up later

he claimed never again

at least not after 8 pm

and she shushed him

she likes when they get to sleep

all night

or almost all night

so there will be no

claims of never again

she put her foot down

figuratively



They went to breakfast

after a frothy shower

and he dropped her off

with a hug and kiss

and she knew



she knew

it was the best gift she had had

in her life

even if he

isn't
That Man

he is

a Very Good Man

who is treating her well....



and in about a month

she will have a birthday

and she can't wait

because that is when he usually comes to see her



and it will mark three years

with an amazing man

that treats her so well.

I Am Thankful

She had been cooking all day
The time had come
when she cooked the meal
with her mother coaching
from the sidelines

All she had tried to create
turned out great
and all at the table were thankful
even if it was
just her mom
her youngest son
and herself

As she took the last bite
of her dessert
she heard Johnny Cash
singing
Burn Burn Burn
The Ring of Fire
and she looked at the name
and it was a potential beaux

Finally,
Finally a man
Finally, a man, who calls on a holiday
to wish her well
and tell her
he is thankful she is in his life

now, it may not turn into anything,
but she feels better
to know
there are men out there
that know it is important
to call on a holiday
and it makes her feel special
and means so much to her.

I am thankful there are still good men out there.

After a year of
Mr. Turnaround
Mr. Sullivan
and a few others

she was beginning to wonder.

One Great Day or Happy Birthday Mr. Duvall

This is the third birthday

Mr. Duvall has had

since I met him



The first year

I am not even aware

of knowing

when his birthday was



Last year

I gave him

boxers with a button fly

his favorite

and not easy to find

he was thrilled

and it was a great day



this year

a few weeks before

when we saw each other

I explained

that I had a special surprise for him

for his birthday

so we should see each other

as soon afterwards

as we could

because I was going to be

spending my mother's birthday

with her

and he had tickets to an Astro's game

so he was out of town



He said not to make a bother

and I said it was a pleasure

not a bother



I asked what he thought

his kids would do for him

and he said

they would probably just send him a card

he said it sarcastically

and then said

he had bought them cars

and spent hundreds of thousands

on them and their educations

but he would be lucky to get a card

He didn't need new shirts

or gift certificates

Remember when you got money in cards? he asked

and that was that



The day before his birthday

he called to check on me

and my trip



I reminded him to call

before he left for the game

the next day



he asked why

and I said

so I could sing HB to him

and he said

he was too old for that

and I said he wasn't ever too old

and he proved it everytime I saw him

and he wasn't too old for me to sing

Happy Birthday to you



He said,

well let's just wait til you are 59

and see if you want someone singing to you

or to even have birthdays



So in the interim

I found the perfect card

even though I had bought one already

this one was perfect

it had 4 kid faces on it

kinda like they were talking to each other

and it was in 1950's style

and said

Remember when you were a kid

and you got money in a birthday card?

and you open it up and it says

something to the effect

It isn't any fun being an adult is it?

and then it said

Happy Birthday

omg, it was perfect

and I vacillated over how much to put in it
I mean
I could afford the 59 dollars
but that wasn't the point
he wouldn't want me to spend that much
in addition to the cd I had for him
and then I finally settled
on 21 dollars
and a note that said
It is one dollar for every year
isn't it

nailing the sentiment home
that his age is just a number
not what defines him

so Sunday
I drove south
with a cd player
a new cd
and an exercise cd (freshly burned copy)
for a six pack
that I know he has
but he says he doesn't
due to beer drinking

(told him a while back
I would give him a six pack (abs)
for his birthday)

and his card with the cash

He hasn't been feeling well
so I took homemade
chicken noodle soup
blt sandwiches
and home made banana nut bread
since he doesn't do sweets
so cake was out of the question

I didn't sing HB
but I did sing
The Hokey Pokey
at a very special moment
lol
and he laughed so
it was a great day
and I told him
Birthdays
to me
are not about the number
but the celebration of life
and those that are in your life
are the most important to me
so I was glad we could celebrate
and when I turned 59
I would want him there
to sing to me

and of course
he had to figure out that number

it is a great friendship
I will always cherish it
even when it turns to
a more traditional friendship

and when I called
on my way home
at the time/place
where we usually check
to make sure we are both
nearly home safely
he answered the phone with

Don't bother me, I am listening to my new George Strait CD...
so I think he liked his birthday party
he thanked me many times
for the thoughtfulness of it all
and his delight showed
in all his reactions
and actuons
throughout the day

it was so nice
to see him so happy
after the year he has had
with the loss of his brother

It is so much fun
for me
to do things that make someone
I care about
feel good and
special
it was

One great day....

One Great Surprise

He called early in the day
around 10 am
and asked what she was doing
that afternoon
and she said
I think I will drive South
for the afternoon
and he laughed

They devised a plan
and she began her preparations

She drove south
wearing a very provocative
White top that was low cut
sleeveless and
tight, ok, kinda tight

with a great floral
black and white print
that was sheer and flowing
and lined with a black slip like lining
and commando

the music was loud
she was thrilled
to have a great afternoon
to look forward to
with great company

somehow she missed the call
but saw that she had
voicemail
and it was him
he was there
he was going to get in the shower
but he left the door open
and would call back if
she didn't show up
before he got out of the shower

and she looked at the mileage
and knew she would be a bit late
so she waited for him to return
the call
and he did
and she said that she would be there
in 10 minutes or so
and she drove a little faster

When she arrived
she got her things together
and walked toward the door
Usually she knocked
and he answered
with a kiss and a hug waiting
but today
today the door was not shut well
and she knocked
and pushed on the door a bit
and as the door opened
she saw him
sitting on the bed
with the sheets turned down
and all he had on
was a smile

she was so tickled
she laughed
and walked in
shut and locked the door
and walked over to him.
She was beaming
he brought his A game
as he always did
and she told him
how much she liked
her surprise
and he told her
she was tardy
and was going to receive
a tardy slip
and she said she would see
if he would change that
to an excused tardy
as she stradled him on the bed
and he realized
she was just as ready
to make love to him
as he was to her....

Some great surprises
make up for some Crappy ones

and she received a
rescended tardy slip
and a gold star to boot


She can't wait til she is
summoned for a conference
down south again...
which won't be long
because they will be celebrating
his birthday very soon..

OK I Just Don't Get It

Last Fall
as you know
if you have been reading
for awhile
or have read the archives
I met two men
well actually
I met many more than two
but I met two
that I really liked
and if the first one

Mr. Turnaround
had paid more attention
more often
I would not have met
any after him
but his presence
or appearances
were sporadic
so yes, I met two men
Mr. Turnaround
and Mr. Sullivan
and they both turned my head
I was smitten with them both
Mr. Sullivan appeared
after Mr. Turnaround
and departed before
Christmas
for reasons that I truly believe
had nothing to do with me
but issues with his father's health
and the stress that puts on a man child
when their father is in a vulnerable position
but who knows
maybe that is just wishful thinking on my part

Anyway, about a month ago
Mr. Sullivan calls
out of the clear blue sky
and wants to see me

I have eluded to this meeting with him
but I hadn't told the story

So we decided that he would pick me up
and we would go for drinks
so I could hear the story
of the dream he had about me
while on vacation in Canada

He picks me up
he has gained so much weight
I almost don't recognize him
he is jovial
we arrive at our destination
order drinks
he explains the dream
which was a combo of things
he had been reminded of me
in two different circumstances
so I am not surprised about the dream,
so the conversation turns
to me, and school and life
and then it starts
he asks many questions
he asks about other men
that he has known I was seeing
when I saw him
you see
he asked then
and found out about Mr. Turnaround
and Mr. Duvall
because he wanted me to
see only him
and I didn't want to quit seeing Mr. Turnaround
As for Mr. Duvall
that is a given
that it will end permanently
the minute a man wants a relationship with me
and I want one with him
it has stopped before
so that isn't a big deal
anyway
he asked
I explained that Mr. Turnaround
found others that he wanted to spend
his time with
even after asking me
to be patient and wait for him
this summer
which I tried to do
I am just not good at it
patience that is
and
the questions continue
and I want to scream
WHY? why do you want to know
what is it you want?

I mean this isn't my first rodeo
a man calls or writes
says he has a story to tell
says he wants to see you to tell it
he is testing the waters right
to see if you want to see him
and to see if he still wants you...
so Why?
why ask these questions?
We have had about 3 drinks now
and I hadn't eaten all day...
and he had mentioned dinner
but when I ask
why he was having drinks with me
early on a Friday night
did he have plans later
it came out that there was
a poker game he was contemplating
and then he couldn't get me home
fast enough
and by the time we were in the car
the tears came
they were a combo
of stress, anxiety
and feeling rejected
he expressed a desire
to be friends and do things together
and I told him I don't do that well
with men that meant so much more
to me
because rarely can I separate those feelings
and he has friends
and to be a friend takes as much
or more work
than a relationship between lovers
and confidants
and I didn't think he could do it
but if he wanted to try
we could

yeah... that didn't pan out
he didn't even try
and that was fine
but then
yesterday
I heard from Mr. Turnaround
who said we should have a glass of tea
of course he is a man
of much fewer words
and that is the meeting I wrote of
yesterday.
I don't know his motivation
He slipped away
for reasons I still don't know
guess I wasn't woman enough
or the fact I like to hear a man's words
and he shared so few
that I made some up for him
that were not the right ones
and I over reacted to some situations
in ways I am not proud of
he said
things just didn't turn out
for whatever reason
so I don't know
all I know is
that I am glad
that there aren't any others
who can call me up like that
and see me
just to see
what I am not sure
but stir up emotions
that I thought were pretty much gone
and then walk away

I am not up for that again
anytime soon.

I think this not dating thing
is going better than I ever would
have expected
I quite enjoy not being
rejected
worried about what he is thinking
and wondering if or when he will call

and the time and energy I was pouring
yes, Mr. Turnaround, pouring
into thoughts and actions
and wanting things to be good
with someone who wasn't on the same page
can now go somewhere else
and has been for awhile
so those things are hard to give up now

so yes, I wished I was doing other things
but only because they were going to show progress
and sitting and shooting the bull
was not
It was good to see him
It was painful to feel all the old feelings rise to the surface
and be able to tell
they weren' t for him...

but now it is over
and I can move forward
even though I don't get it
I don't understand what they
thought they were going to gain
or what they did gain
by seeing me
but if it was to help them move forward
then I hope they do understand it
and it was helpful.

RJ has rarely steered me wrong
and his take on both situations
was the same
but if I listen to what he said
I feel even more rejected
because he says
they were testing the waters
about dating me again
and I remember a time
when he hadn't met the woman
of his dreams
and he was contemplating looking up
an old girlfriend
and taking her back
and I so
DO NOT want to be that person...
and even then
I told him
not to...

don't do it just because you are lonely
and don't want to be alone
don't settle...
and see
he didn't
and he met the woman of his dreams

but since neither of them
Mr. T or Mr. S
explained their intentions
I don't know
and I still don't get it.

The Days get away from me

and now it is getting darker earlier and earlier.
I did get my walk in on Saturday
but gave up my walking time last night
for the opportunity for a door to close.
A door to my past.

now that is done, so perhaps my walking will commence.

The Vision

It had been a long day
She was exhausted
Her bed was so inviting,
she propped her head up
on two fluffy pillows
laid down
in her freshly laundered sheets
with nothing but her nude body
to enjoy the softness of
the white cotton
500 count sheets

The TV was on Court TV
with the soft voices detailing
the most outlandish crimes of passion.
She intended to watch for 30 minutes or so
and then go to sleep.

The mattress moved as his body
weight pressed against it
She felt the shift in the bed
she turned to him
he took her body into his arms
and held her close
softly kissing her forehead
and cheeks
her knees entwined
between and on top of his legs
their feet softly caressing
each others
she nuzzled down into his
strong chest and relaxed
he continued to caress her hair
and hum to her

She loved being held
the safety, security
and feeling of someone
caring so deeply for her
far outweighed
the throws of passions
when she had survived
a long hard day
with the trappings of
arguments over inconsequential details of life
whether at work, or
with land lords, or
with children,

and here
here in his arms
it all fell away
and he was there
just for her....

then his voice reminded her
of someone famous
Dominick Dunn maybe

and then she noticed
the tv was on
and she had dozed off
so she turned it off
with the remote, and
returned it to the bedstand
took her glasses off
and hugged her pillow

anticipating the day
it was him
and not a pillow.

Fantasy of a Lifetime

She gazed at the house
with it's big windows
large wrap around porch
stucco sides
rock chimney

She scurried
up the sidewalk
to the porch
with great excitement
She opened
the heavy, wooden,
door
into the great room
with a sunroom
off to the right
the fireplace on the right
in the corner
and opposite it,
the kitchen and
dining area
Her heels clicked
on the gorgeous wood floors
She looked up
above the kitchen
and saw the railing
for the room upstairs
with it's 4 beds
3 twins and one Queen
for family when
they come to visit
and she walks past the kitchen
with it's restaurant grade stove
stainless refrigerator,
and island sink and counters
with a bar
through the great room
and into the master bedroom
It isn't a big room
but it is big enough
for a queen size bed
and bedroom furniture
and they can both move
around without feeling cramped
the bathroom
has a walk in shower
without a door
shaped like an S
and a ledge for sitting
while showering
most of the S wall
is glass bricks
in the corner is a
spa tub
big enough for both of them
and two sinks
and the small
room for the toilet
and off to the left
from the door
is the walk in closet
they share
she walks out
of the bedroom
and into the kitchen
where there is a door way
to the sunroom
and office
as she walks through
she passes the
laundry room on the right
and finds just past it,
the door to the office on the right
the office is small
and to the back
of the sunroom
facing the backyard
just big enough
for a desk for him
and one for her
and a wall of bookshelves
She walks out
and sees the stairs
leading upstair
and the sunroom
to the left

As she walks
through the sunroom
she is so happy
she thought she might not
ever see it
anyplace but in her head
and she gazes out
past the porch
into the yard
and sees him
sitting by the pool
with a towel
and a drink
waiting for her
to join him.

The style is

A Craftsman Bungalow

similar to the picture

but not exactly

(My dream home)

Dreams

A man I saw
for a short amount of time
last year
around November
called me up
about a week ago
to tell me
he had dreamt about me
He wanted to know
if I was dating
he wanted to get together
to have a drink
and share the dream
with me

We got together last night
and he really didn't have much to describe
in the dream

but something else he said
stuck with me
he said that he usually doesn't remember dreams
he has
in the middle of the night
but if they are early in the morning
right before he wakes
then he sometimes does
remember them...

I know I dream
I know I dream often
I rarely remember them
but last night,
in the middle of the night
I had a dream I do remember
vividly

there was a nest of sorts
and a foal (baby horse)
was lying in the middle of it
he was "smoking"
there was smoke coming from around him
but there was no flame
and it didn't stink
I was just scared
to touch him
and someone told me
he was on fire
and he just looked up at me
with such a sad look
in his eyes

Then there was a naked man
with a thin, beautiful body
who asked with his eyes
for me to take him
to bed
and I laid down beside him
and began to stroke him
and he had the "perfect" dick
and it came alive in my hands

then he got up and walked away
and I went to find him
I had on a pink t-shirt
that had a cuss word on it
but I don't remember what the word was
I didn't have any pants on
just panties
and no bra

and I was walking through the building
trying to find him
I was in a building
that was my place of work
and I had on flip flops too

well, besides being nearly naked
I had on a shirt
with an expletive on it
and flipflops
which are both
huge no-no's
at my work

and I kept running into
people that are in a
supervisory position
or the "big wigs"
in our company

so it was very
embarrassing
and stressful
and it didn't matter
how much I tried to explain
what I was doing
and who I was looking for
I just felt
horrible...
and room after room
restroom and halls
and large rooms with chairs

and then I was out
in the field
where the foal
was burning
and all that was left
was the smoke
and burned spot
in the hay where he had been...
and that
is all
I remember