Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Monday, October 16, 2006

Saturday, October 14, 2006


Blizzard White Roses

in a long-stemmed
hand blown vase
of purple, gold and green hues

with wispy deep blue accent baby's breath

stood proudly on the table

it was such an elegant arrangement
the rest of the room appeared
much too out of place
for such greatness and beauty

but she didn't care
she loved gazing on the
perfection of God's work
and their pureness glowing through

She thought of all the different
moments in her life that were
so near perfection
that it was as if God was giving her snipits
of what heaven would be like
when she arrived

One weekend when she spent 3 blissful days
of youth
with a man she fell in love with instantly
They danced, they ate, they swam
he held her in his arms as if
her were carrying her to bed
but they were in the water
and he kissed her endlessly

It was a love upon first sight
young and unencumbered
with the questions she would ask herself years later
when met with the same emotions
upon meeting another intriguing and handsomely tall man

but alas, he was leaving for Japan
and she never saw him again,
even though she wrote him a letter every day
for over 6 months and he wrote her the same
but then he met someone else
and she was ...
well that isn't what this post is about

Then the night she spent with a man
she hardly knew, kissing for hours on her couch
with him not making another move
but simply enjoying kissing for hours
and talking and laughing

eventually, it did lead to more,
but not anytime soon.
Her favorite day, out of two years with him,
was the day they hiked at Palo Duro Canyon
and he was in such awe of God's creation
of erosion
animated and elated
she watched as he showed a part of him
that she had never seen
his vulnerability and true caring for her
she cried that night, after he was asleep
they were closer than they had ever been...
but all good things must come to an end
and she let him go
knowing it wasn't to be

Another was a weekend in a statepark
with a man she will always love and care about
It rained
They got lost on a hike
It was unbearably hot
and yet
they laughed, they cooked, they made love constantly
until she could hardly walk
and late at night
he surprised her with rose petals
candles, a portable fan, a dragon tattoo, among other things
and a trip into town for ice cream

the next morning he cooked her breakfast by the water
as the sun was rising
and she still enjoys looking at those pictures
but her favorite quote from him
Not enough wine
Not enough time
Not enough you

On her 42nd birthday
she went out
to go dancing
she wanted to see
if she still could after she had knee surgery
and things hadn't been quite right since
and she found a wonderful dance partner
who she explained to
that she wasn't 42,
she was two 21 year olds in one
and they enjoyed their time together
and now
they still tango
on Sunday afternoons
whenever they can
even though he lives too far away
he is better to her
than any man has ever been
and yet
he can never be truly hers
and they both know it
but they enjoy the time they do have together
and she is glad he is in her life

and then there was the man
who sang to her
making her blush
holding her hand
taking the lead but not brazenly
he talked big
and she liked what she heard
and many of those memories still hurt
but the quote
the quote she will never forget
I am not calling because I am needy
I am calling
because I want you to know
you have the most beautiful eyes
and I want you to know
I love you so very much

and it still brings tears to her eyes when she hears it
in her head

but the most recent one
that brought her a smile
was a new man
kissing her for hours on end
as they sat on her couch
with candles burning
and Norah Jones playing in the background

She even smiled as they were kissing
because for so long
she had wanted to hear that particular song
while with a man
in a romantic setting
and for years
it didn't come true

so as she stared
as the memories
were flooding over her
the white roses
appeared in her sights again
and the visions of the past
faded away

there were tears falling down her face
but she smiled and knew
so many good things have come
and gone
she shouldn't be sad
she should be glad for all she has had
however fleeting it may be.

Saturday, October 07, 2006

Friday Fantasy On Sunday

I have one about to come true on Saturday, so I am not writing til it is done...

and here it is

She drove home
smiling from ear to ear

for nearly two years
she has been planting a seed
in the ear
of a man
she holds dear in many ways

she has expressed
her desire
to have an evening
like the one
hence they met

with dancing
good food
and great fun

an entire night together in bed

and suddenly
out of the clear blue
he asked her one day

of course
she had stopped expressing her desire
for quite some time

if he invited a friend to join him
for a trip to the Alamo City
could she find a friend to ask along?

She grinned
of course she had a friend
but no guarantees of
what would transpire between
said friends

and on Saturday
it came to pass
he showed up early
surprised her as she was cooking

there were T-bone steaks
baked potato casserole
fresh green beans
and peach cobbler for dessert

The boys from down south
started the fire
and one of them
didn't need to do much to get
my fire started

they talked
they laughed
they teased a bit
and the dinner
the dinner was delectable
they drove to their
favorite hangout

The Big V

and danced and laughed and
met the locals

and she heard
from more than one
how handsome he was

and she knew
she knew she could pick the handsome ones

but it was good to hear
and it made her smile

yeah he is

and she took him home
lead him to the bedroom

after he said
we need to just
go in that room
lock the door
and have a great night

and as far as our
friends go
we have given it
our best shot
what happens now
is up to them.

and they did

and when they get behind closed doors
and she lets her hair hang down
and she makes glad that he's a man
because no one knows what goes on behind closed doors

but when she opened the door
she had a smile
from one ear to the other
and he did too

and when they parted after breakfast

he said

I wish we were in a motel room
in "small town" Texas
doing what we did all night

and she smiled

she hadn't
gotten to spend
an entire night with him
or have so many orgasms in one night
or hear him say
something so wonderful

and she had been dreaming about it
for nearly two years

maybe it will be a good deer season.

It is a Personal Choice


The best thing that was said to me
was said by the closest friend I have right now
and she told me

It is his personal choice
If he was truthful about his feelings toward you
Then he is in a living hell

If he lied about how he felt
then he gets the life he deserves
which is also probably hell on earth

as far as you sounding full of yourself
I don't agree
you have many great things going for you
you just happened to find a man
that even though things could have been great
he didn't bother to discuss it with you
and whatever did make him
make the choices he made
you weren't the biggest priority
and that
my dear
you don't want.

I could make the same list
of all the great things about me

how that helps me
is to know that I value myself
enough to not be treated so badly
and put up with it forever

and it shows me
that I want to find a man
who thinks I am as great
or greater than I think I am myself

and I want to do the same for him...

there is a great prospect
all my friends are teasing me
about how giddy I am over him
I smile every few minutes
and remind them I have a date
with him Monday
and I can't wait to hear from him
each day
so we will see

Cautiously optimistic
once again

but this time
this time there are no nagging questions
about whether I am making the right choice
in pursuing him
and previously
I should have seen the writing on the wall
and that is why I questioned it
and I should have listened to my intuition

so this time I am
it is telling me

and I am

glad you aren't wounded too badly
and are back in the saddle again soon.

Sunday, October 01, 2006


Sometimes I don't like being right.

(I know it is hard to believe, but
it is truly heartfelt and true)

I am so sorry...

I wish things had turned out
the way you thought they should

of course
we all have "ways"
we wish things would go
and sometimes they do
and sometimes they don't

you know,

things didn't turn out the way
I thought they should either

many many times in my life
but some (esp. the last time) were much harder
than others to accept.

My prayers are with you, always.