Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Life's a Bitch and so am I

Yeah, I know
it has been awhile.
but here I am
I am back
and as my friend
dear Friend
Walker
has said today
or actually a day or so
after the date on this post
You should get
at least as much out of a relationship
as you put into it
it is a 50/50 thing
well my friend
I put in much more than 50
and I get
much less back
In a short week
very short week
I have been stood up
I have been lied to
I have been asked to put my heart on hold
and I cannot just freeze my heart
but as much as I would like to
I don't find much reason to
and so my actions from here on out
may cause that to be no longer as well
because I refuse to "not Live"
for an undisclosed amount of time
while someone collects themselves
and reaches out
when they have done the worst as far as I am concerned
stood me up
and lied to me about it

sad thing is
I knew it was going to occur
and yet I couldn't do anything about it
except let the day pass
and it has

I have told someone very dear to my heart
that I never wanted to hear from him again
for the pain he caused me
and the fear of others
that I would return to him and more pain
to go along with the pain he originally caused

I have accepted someone back into my life
Mr. Turnaround has asked to see me
and I am going to
although I think it won't ever turn into anything
except an occasional evening
of pure animal attraction and playfulness

and if I could be a bigger bitch
I am probably one today
maybe not bitch
but harder, more bitter, more guarded
yes,
that is what the actions
of Mr. Sullivan have caused
and he

well he is just thankful
that I am not spiteful
and I am not
I wish him well

and he says he will return
but I don't believe it

we all know
and if you didn't,
you do now

that I have a huge issue
with people "leaving"
or
"exiting"
my life
and it pretty much makes me

"DONE" with them
but here
here we are all friends
and I am thankful for those
who check in to see what is going on with me

I like coming over and seeing you too
until next time

try to get some xmas shopping done..

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