Warm Brown Sugar Vanilla

Last night I made myself go out
Yes, MADE
You see I have been staying in too much
which is not the story for today

As I sat down at the bar
I noticed there were three
Three bald men
sitting at the bar

I found that humorous
and took a picture
sent it as a text to friends
asking if I didn't receive
the memo
stating it was
Bald Guy Night

One great friend
wrote back and said
I should just go for one of them
til I reminded her
about the last bald man
I dated
who she refers to
as
The Loser
she said that must have been
my perfume
so wear a different perfume


and that is where our story begins
plus I don't know
if I have told this story before
but I might have

The waterboy

he was so charming
and we had plans one day
to take a trip to Austin
and spend the evening together
so on the phone
he called
I was so excited
we made a plan for him to pick me up
then we discussed
how I had not
contrary to usual
brought him a surprise
and he responded
that he didn't
have any surprises for me
either

then later in the day
he drove up
in a new vehicle
that he bought in my town
so that he could have a reason
to have it serviced there
and service me as well
from the way he told it

we drove down the highway
holding hands
and laughing
having a wonderful time
I was smiling
he was smiling
we had a few drinks
checked into a motel
and I whipped out
the surprises
yes, even though I said
I had none
I did
my clock radio/cd player
so we could have music
and an alarm
and body glitter
that was a running joke
with the two of us
I talked him into wearing it
on his forehead
and we went to dinner
after working up a hunger
for food
by satisfying our carnal hunger
We sat side by side
more drunk than either of us
would admit
It was a decadent dinner
with the two of us feeding each other
laughing
playing
and having a great time

when we got back to the room
he opened the back of the red demon
and pulled out a huge
not just big
huge gift basket
from Bath and Body Words
in the flavor of the post title
It had everything
bubble bath
liquid body soap
lotion
body spray
lip goo
and more
that I can't recall

I loved it
I wore it
I was totally surprised
he loved that I loved it
I wore it after that
all the time
until he and I
were no more
and then
then I couldn't
could NOT
even stand the smell of it
the reminder
of a time
when I was blissfully
happy

that was 7 years ago

in the mean time
I have received gifts
from friends
and at Christmas
functions at work
that were similar
in scent
and each time
I acted happy
and brought it home
and put it away

and today
today I was cleaning
and ran across a box
of things that were packed
by someone else
and in it

you guessed it
one of those gift items
with lotion
and body spray
from a less expensive company
that was a gift
and I opened it
and I still like the scent
and now
just now
I think I can wear it
but all the memories it stirred up
were here in an instant
and I wish I had him here as well
but he took another path
and I wasn't on it.

Monday, First day back at Work List

Make it through the day....

short list
big chore
many little items under that big chore.

Friday, Jan 2 list

write new blog post about my most wonderful New Years Eve-done
grocery shopping
wash dishes
get ice (I buy crushed ice- a bag lasts at least a week)
clean out the car
work out

still taking it easy from not sleeping all night on NYE... so short list today

and yes, I did get everything on the other list done on Wed.... woohoo

New Year's Eve

Today is a busy day

List:
Blog
Soak Blackeyed Peas for tomorrow
Work out
Clean up for lunch date
Pack clothes for beach excursion
Rearrange things in car
Mail Netflix movie back (The Holiday, 4 stars)
Buy gas for trip
Buy new headlight
Open new bank acct
check on existing bank acct
Pay rent
Buy ice for home and trip
Eat lunch at 11 with new date (scary)
get whatever I didn't get done before lunch done
lock up house
drive to coast
walk on beach
eat dinner at favorite restaurant
return to beach
spend the night
(motel or beach, not sure yet)
walk on beach
take pictures
drink coffee
drive home
cook and eat blackeyed peas for good luck
workout
call friends and family
and wish them a Happy New Year
Decide how to get Muse's books to her

ok so that is a two day list
I will check it tomorrow to see how I did.

Happy New Year!

The Gift of Time

I have now known Mr. Duvall
for 4 years
or so it will be in about 3 weeks
and the first year
we didn't exchange Christmas gifts
and the second year
I gave him boxer shorts
with button flies
and he bought me a drill
last year
I don't believe we gave gifts
I kinda remember him
saying we shouldn't
but I am not sure
I remember the birthday gifts
I have given him
and the one I have asked him for
which is to come see me
on or near my birthday...

this year
before Muse made her exit
from my life
she was discussing a gift idea
that had to do with time
and I remembered
how Mr. D has been wearing
the same watch
since I met him
so I liked her idea
and did a small spinoff
from it
after sharing some ideas
I had
with her, so that she may have
benefitted from using them

I put the gift together
in a big box
and all the items inside
had a note attached
as to their part
in the
Gift of Time

I wrote out the card
that said
each time I see him
it is like Christmas morning
and the greatest gift he has given me
is our time together

Anyway

The first gift was

It's Hunting Time

a headlamp that clips
onto a cap bill
so that he can hunt
under red light
and see where he is going
he loved it
but mostly because
he has to open gates with locks
early each morning
and he could use the headlamp
when it is dark out
and not have to use the lights
from his vehicle
(I was proud of this choice
because he actually really needed it)

A Time to Die
for the fleas and ticks that is
He hunts and traps feral pigs
and they are nasty animals
and more than once I have heard
about how he was the new home
for fleas and ticks
due to the moving of the pigs
so
a couple of wrist bracelets
similar to flea and tick collars
to help with keeping them at bay
and off his beautiful body

He asked if they work
and I said
I hope so

Time for Warm Feet
without me there to warm them

foot warmers
found in the hunting/camping area
disposable and cheap
he said he always wanted to try them
and now he can

Bed Time

New pajama bottoms
the last pair I bought two years ago
are wearing out
and a new look was in order
he opened them up and put them on
right then
New pantalones
as he puts it

Time For a Drink

A nice big bottle of Chivas
that he will not purchase
on his own
he drinks the cheaper stuff
until someone gets him a bottle

Time for a Road Trip

a silver flask
with a nice little feature
of an arm to hold to the lid
so you don't drop it
when you take it off to pour a drink

Time for a change

New boxer shorts
three pairs

he couldn't believe I could find
boxer shorts with buttons
at the local sporting goods store

Time For A Roll In the Hay

A token
that says
it is good
for a Roll in the Hay

he, of course, said
he needed a jar full of them
I said it was reusable
that I would only need to see it
not take it from him
then he was happy and smiled
and said
well in that case,
look at this...lol

and then there was

3 rolls in the hay

and the gifting resumed

Time for a Foot Rub

New foot cream for great foot rubs
that he says will put him to sleep
but they haven't yet

Shower Time

A small box of goodies
for the shower
that are his favorite

And

the big gift was a watch
since it was

Time for a New Watch

and he admitted
he had been wearing that watch
for about a dozen years

11 gifts for each hour on the clock
and months in the year
and then I said
and the best gift I can give you

is me
for the time we have together today

and he was so appreciative
and said he thought it was
the best Christmas gift
he had ever received
it was a great day
and that was just the beginning of it

I love giving thoughtful gifts
to those I love
but I have never enjoyed
anyone opening them
more than him

he fussed of course
stating I should not spend
my hard earned money
on him
and I said
I did it because I wanted to
and he said
before he left
he hadn't ever received
that many gifts...

and oh what I would do if
we were together more...
he cannot even fathom....

My Favorite Part

She looked at the phone
again
and it was barely
a minute later than her last
glance
the suspense and
anticipation of him calling
had her busting at the seams

the text messages had been clever
and flirty
and made her laugh
and his showed LOL
so she knew he was smiling

then the all familiar tone
of the cell phone cut the silence
she jumped
surprised
then picked it up and answered it

the conversation flowed
from initial introductions
to family background
and then common ground
she was smiling
and he was laughing
and a good time was being had
finally she yawned
and he heard it
and they looked at the time
an hour and a half had passed
so he asked her out
to meet in person
and she secretly jumped up and down
as giddy as a school girl
YES YES YES! her inner voice screamed
That would be nice
said very politely
hmmm where should they go
the discussion continued
they came to a decision
and a time
and it was done

for two days she worried
about what to wear
how to style her hair
what would he think?

and the day came
and she rushed around at home
after work
getting ready
a fresh shower
demurely seductive lotion
a little cleavage but a respectable outfit
not too much makeup but enough to make her feel pretty

and she showed up on time
he called to ask where she was
I am in the bookstore by the cards
where are you?
was her answer

about a minute away he said
and she pretended to read cards
until he arrived

they instinctively hugged and said hello
and turned and walked out of the store
and into a dream

he made her laugh
she saw things they had in common
he was a gentleman
yet she could see his ruggedness
he dressed well
in boots, jeans, and a starched shirt
his short flat top hair cut was a huge
turn on for her

and they spent two hours over dinner
which never seemed to wain
the conversation flowed
the food divine
the company uncomparable

they walked out
he touched her waist
held her hand
walked and talked along the sidewalk
they walked to her car
he stopped and kissed her sweetly
and then kissed her on her neck
several small
very sexy kisses
that melted her right into the ground
she giggled
he asked
What?
she smiled
so, do you like me?
he asked
oh yeah, she answered
and you?
she inquired
yes, I like you he retorted
like how could he not like her

that is my favorite part
the time when it is new
and your flirt
and you aren't sure
but you think you might
spontaneously combust
from all the chemistry

a great first date

A Tribute

For three years
Mr. Duvall
has been in my life
the story of how we met
is here
and many of our
many afternoons
and evenings

On nearly every occasion
he has felt the need
to tell me
he isn't
The man for me
and I knew he was right
but we have had
a very good run
of good times

and there have been times
two in fact
when I had thought
it was time
for us to stop seeing
each other
because I felt I had met
a man
that might be
THE man
but I was wrong
both times
and Mr. D
was the first to know
that I was mistaken

and now,
here we are again
only this time
I dont' believe
I am going to ever return
to our afternoons

but we will always
always be friends
Some days I think
it should end
but then it doesn't

One day
it will end
completely
but until then
I will enjoy every minute..

Merry Christmas to ME

Right after Thanksgiving

he called

he asked her to meet him

at the usual spot


She was so relieved

She didn't think he would

after the last big conversation

where she was concerned

about her health

and he thought her symptoms

more than just stress

although she knew better


She thought he was gunshy

and would not be back

soon

or at all.

Perhaps the relationship

had

as she had dreaded

run it's course....

but then

here he was

on the phone

asking for her company

and she accepted

in absolute ecstasy


Their afternoons

are always great

and this one was no different

so she stepped out

on a limb

and said


"You know what

I want for Christmas?"


and he replied

with a bit of hesitation

in his voice


"what would that be?"


and she said


I would like you to come to see me

to stay the night

to cook a great meal

to eat together

perhaps a dance or two

and breakfast in the morning


and he was silent

and their afternoon passed

in a blur of laughter,

passion, and love

though they will never discuss it.


She knew she would not see him

the next weekend

he was attending a birthday party

for his granddaughter

in the far north.


Then the weekend

after the birthday party

she thought she might get

a Sunday afternoon

invitation

and then the call came


only he asked

if he could spend

Friday night with her

in her abode





She was so happy

and stated an emphatic

YES


Then he asked

if they could forego

the gift giving this

season

and she replied

Yes Sir, but

You are already giving me

the gift I asked for


and later she asked


but what if I already

have your gift?


so he gave in

for once

which is rare for him


and then he showed up

on time

with a smile on his face

They played,

They talked,

They cooked BLT's

(favorite staple)

and they showered

the evening was all

she wanted it to be

and more


except for the dancing

which he explained



the last two times he had danced

had been with her

and they were far and few between

so she gave into that one



and she was happy

when he left her the next morning

feeling like her Christmas

couldn't get any better



He called on Saturday

to see how she felt,

if her back hurt, or she was tired



He called on Monday

because he was sick

and wondered if she was

and then she found out

he had slept

in a cold cabin

on a cold night

on a hunting lease

and he was paying for it

with a cold

or the flu

but no



she wasn't sick



He called on Thursday

and said

he wasn't calling again

because he had called

the last three times



she laughed



and he asked about her

weekend plans



she said she had few plans

he asked if she would like

him to spend Sunday night with him



Christmas Eve Eve?

Hell Yeah she would

what happened that she got this

wonderful opportunity?

she didn't care

she took him up on it





He showed up later

he claimed never again

at least not after 8 pm

and she shushed him

she likes when they get to sleep

all night

or almost all night

so there will be no

claims of never again

she put her foot down

figuratively



They went to breakfast

after a frothy shower

and he dropped her off

with a hug and kiss

and she knew



she knew

it was the best gift she had had

in her life

even if he

isn't
That Man

he is

a Very Good Man

who is treating her well....



and in about a month

she will have a birthday

and she can't wait

because that is when he usually comes to see her



and it will mark three years

with an amazing man

that treats her so well.

I Am Thankful

She had been cooking all day
The time had come
when she cooked the meal
with her mother coaching
from the sidelines

All she had tried to create
turned out great
and all at the table were thankful
even if it was
just her mom
her youngest son
and herself

As she took the last bite
of her dessert
she heard Johnny Cash
singing
Burn Burn Burn
The Ring of Fire
and she looked at the name
and it was a potential beaux

Finally,
Finally a man
Finally, a man, who calls on a holiday
to wish her well
and tell her
he is thankful she is in his life

now, it may not turn into anything,
but she feels better
to know
there are men out there
that know it is important
to call on a holiday
and it makes her feel special
and means so much to her.

I am thankful there are still good men out there.

After a year of
Mr. Turnaround
Mr. Sullivan
and a few others

she was beginning to wonder.

One Great Day or Happy Birthday Mr. Duvall

This is the third birthday

Mr. Duvall has had

since I met him



The first year

I am not even aware

of knowing

when his birthday was



Last year

I gave him

boxers with a button fly

his favorite

and not easy to find

he was thrilled

and it was a great day



this year

a few weeks before

when we saw each other

I explained

that I had a special surprise for him

for his birthday

so we should see each other

as soon afterwards

as we could

because I was going to be

spending my mother's birthday

with her

and he had tickets to an Astro's game

so he was out of town



He said not to make a bother

and I said it was a pleasure

not a bother



I asked what he thought

his kids would do for him

and he said

they would probably just send him a card

he said it sarcastically

and then said

he had bought them cars

and spent hundreds of thousands

on them and their educations

but he would be lucky to get a card

He didn't need new shirts

or gift certificates

Remember when you got money in cards? he asked

and that was that



The day before his birthday

he called to check on me

and my trip



I reminded him to call

before he left for the game

the next day



he asked why

and I said

so I could sing HB to him

and he said

he was too old for that

and I said he wasn't ever too old

and he proved it everytime I saw him

and he wasn't too old for me to sing

Happy Birthday to you



He said,

well let's just wait til you are 59

and see if you want someone singing to you

or to even have birthdays



So in the interim

I found the perfect card

even though I had bought one already

this one was perfect

it had 4 kid faces on it

kinda like they were talking to each other

and it was in 1950's style

and said

Remember when you were a kid

and you got money in a birthday card?

and you open it up and it says

something to the effect

It isn't any fun being an adult is it?

and then it said

Happy Birthday

omg, it was perfect

and I vacillated over how much to put in it
I mean
I could afford the 59 dollars
but that wasn't the point
he wouldn't want me to spend that much
in addition to the cd I had for him
and then I finally settled
on 21 dollars
and a note that said
It is one dollar for every year
isn't it

nailing the sentiment home
that his age is just a number
not what defines him

so Sunday
I drove south
with a cd player
a new cd
and an exercise cd (freshly burned copy)
for a six pack
that I know he has
but he says he doesn't
due to beer drinking

(told him a while back
I would give him a six pack (abs)
for his birthday)

and his card with the cash

He hasn't been feeling well
so I took homemade
chicken noodle soup
blt sandwiches
and home made banana nut bread
since he doesn't do sweets
so cake was out of the question

I didn't sing HB
but I did sing
The Hokey Pokey
at a very special moment
lol
and he laughed so
it was a great day
and I told him
Birthdays
to me
are not about the number
but the celebration of life
and those that are in your life
are the most important to me
so I was glad we could celebrate
and when I turned 59
I would want him there
to sing to me

and of course
he had to figure out that number

it is a great friendship
I will always cherish it
even when it turns to
a more traditional friendship

and when I called
on my way home
at the time/place
where we usually check
to make sure we are both
nearly home safely
he answered the phone with

Don't bother me, I am listening to my new George Strait CD...
so I think he liked his birthday party
he thanked me many times
for the thoughtfulness of it all
and his delight showed
in all his reactions
and actuons
throughout the day

it was so nice
to see him so happy
after the year he has had
with the loss of his brother

It is so much fun
for me
to do things that make someone
I care about
feel good and
special
it was

One great day....

One Great Surprise

He called early in the day
around 10 am
and asked what she was doing
that afternoon
and she said
I think I will drive South
for the afternoon
and he laughed

They devised a plan
and she began her preparations

She drove south
wearing a very provocative
White top that was low cut
sleeveless and
tight, ok, kinda tight

with a great floral
black and white print
that was sheer and flowing
and lined with a black slip like lining
and commando

the music was loud
she was thrilled
to have a great afternoon
to look forward to
with great company

somehow she missed the call
but saw that she had
voicemail
and it was him
he was there
he was going to get in the shower
but he left the door open
and would call back if
she didn't show up
before he got out of the shower

and she looked at the mileage
and knew she would be a bit late
so she waited for him to return
the call
and he did
and she said that she would be there
in 10 minutes or so
and she drove a little faster

When she arrived
she got her things together
and walked toward the door
Usually she knocked
and he answered
with a kiss and a hug waiting
but today
today the door was not shut well
and she knocked
and pushed on the door a bit
and as the door opened
she saw him
sitting on the bed
with the sheets turned down
and all he had on
was a smile

she was so tickled
she laughed
and walked in
shut and locked the door
and walked over to him.
She was beaming
he brought his A game
as he always did
and she told him
how much she liked
her surprise
and he told her
she was tardy
and was going to receive
a tardy slip
and she said she would see
if he would change that
to an excused tardy
as she stradled him on the bed
and he realized
she was just as ready
to make love to him
as he was to her....

Some great surprises
make up for some Crappy ones

and she received a
rescended tardy slip
and a gold star to boot


She can't wait til she is
summoned for a conference
down south again...
which won't be long
because they will be celebrating
his birthday very soon..

OK I Just Don't Get It

Last Fall
as you know
if you have been reading
for awhile
or have read the archives
I met two men
well actually
I met many more than two
but I met two
that I really liked
and if the first one

Mr. Turnaround
had paid more attention
more often
I would not have met
any after him
but his presence
or appearances
were sporadic
so yes, I met two men
Mr. Turnaround
and Mr. Sullivan
and they both turned my head
I was smitten with them both
Mr. Sullivan appeared
after Mr. Turnaround
and departed before
Christmas
for reasons that I truly believe
had nothing to do with me
but issues with his father's health
and the stress that puts on a man child
when their father is in a vulnerable position
but who knows
maybe that is just wishful thinking on my part

Anyway, about a month ago
Mr. Sullivan calls
out of the clear blue sky
and wants to see me

I have eluded to this meeting with him
but I hadn't told the story

So we decided that he would pick me up
and we would go for drinks
so I could hear the story
of the dream he had about me
while on vacation in Canada

He picks me up
he has gained so much weight
I almost don't recognize him
he is jovial
we arrive at our destination
order drinks
he explains the dream
which was a combo of things
he had been reminded of me
in two different circumstances
so I am not surprised about the dream,
so the conversation turns
to me, and school and life
and then it starts
he asks many questions
he asks about other men
that he has known I was seeing
when I saw him
you see
he asked then
and found out about Mr. Turnaround
and Mr. Duvall
because he wanted me to
see only him
and I didn't want to quit seeing Mr. Turnaround
As for Mr. Duvall
that is a given
that it will end permanently
the minute a man wants a relationship with me
and I want one with him
it has stopped before
so that isn't a big deal
anyway
he asked
I explained that Mr. Turnaround
found others that he wanted to spend
his time with
even after asking me
to be patient and wait for him
this summer
which I tried to do
I am just not good at it
patience that is
and
the questions continue
and I want to scream
WHY? why do you want to know
what is it you want?

I mean this isn't my first rodeo
a man calls or writes
says he has a story to tell
says he wants to see you to tell it
he is testing the waters right
to see if you want to see him
and to see if he still wants you...
so Why?
why ask these questions?
We have had about 3 drinks now
and I hadn't eaten all day...
and he had mentioned dinner
but when I ask
why he was having drinks with me
early on a Friday night
did he have plans later
it came out that there was
a poker game he was contemplating
and then he couldn't get me home
fast enough
and by the time we were in the car
the tears came
they were a combo
of stress, anxiety
and feeling rejected
he expressed a desire
to be friends and do things together
and I told him I don't do that well
with men that meant so much more
to me
because rarely can I separate those feelings
and he has friends
and to be a friend takes as much
or more work
than a relationship between lovers
and confidants
and I didn't think he could do it
but if he wanted to try
we could

yeah... that didn't pan out
he didn't even try
and that was fine
but then
yesterday
I heard from Mr. Turnaround
who said we should have a glass of tea
of course he is a man
of much fewer words
and that is the meeting I wrote of
yesterday.
I don't know his motivation
He slipped away
for reasons I still don't know
guess I wasn't woman enough
or the fact I like to hear a man's words
and he shared so few
that I made some up for him
that were not the right ones
and I over reacted to some situations
in ways I am not proud of
he said
things just didn't turn out
for whatever reason
so I don't know
all I know is
that I am glad
that there aren't any others
who can call me up like that
and see me
just to see
what I am not sure
but stir up emotions
that I thought were pretty much gone
and then walk away

I am not up for that again
anytime soon.

I think this not dating thing
is going better than I ever would
have expected
I quite enjoy not being
rejected
worried about what he is thinking
and wondering if or when he will call

and the time and energy I was pouring
yes, Mr. Turnaround, pouring
into thoughts and actions
and wanting things to be good
with someone who wasn't on the same page
can now go somewhere else
and has been for awhile
so those things are hard to give up now

so yes, I wished I was doing other things
but only because they were going to show progress
and sitting and shooting the bull
was not
It was good to see him
It was painful to feel all the old feelings rise to the surface
and be able to tell
they weren' t for him...

but now it is over
and I can move forward
even though I don't get it
I don't understand what they
thought they were going to gain
or what they did gain
by seeing me
but if it was to help them move forward
then I hope they do understand it
and it was helpful.

RJ has rarely steered me wrong
and his take on both situations
was the same
but if I listen to what he said
I feel even more rejected
because he says
they were testing the waters
about dating me again
and I remember a time
when he hadn't met the woman
of his dreams
and he was contemplating looking up
an old girlfriend
and taking her back
and I so
DO NOT want to be that person...
and even then
I told him
not to...

don't do it just because you are lonely
and don't want to be alone
don't settle...
and see
he didn't
and he met the woman of his dreams

but since neither of them
Mr. T or Mr. S
explained their intentions
I don't know
and I still don't get it.

The Days get away from me

and now it is getting darker earlier and earlier.
I did get my walk in on Saturday
but gave up my walking time last night
for the opportunity for a door to close.
A door to my past.

now that is done, so perhaps my walking will commence.

The Vision

It had been a long day
She was exhausted
Her bed was so inviting,
she propped her head up
on two fluffy pillows
laid down
in her freshly laundered sheets
with nothing but her nude body
to enjoy the softness of
the white cotton
500 count sheets

The TV was on Court TV
with the soft voices detailing
the most outlandish crimes of passion.
She intended to watch for 30 minutes or so
and then go to sleep.

The mattress moved as his body
weight pressed against it
She felt the shift in the bed
she turned to him
he took her body into his arms
and held her close
softly kissing her forehead
and cheeks
her knees entwined
between and on top of his legs
their feet softly caressing
each others
she nuzzled down into his
strong chest and relaxed
he continued to caress her hair
and hum to her

She loved being held
the safety, security
and feeling of someone
caring so deeply for her
far outweighed
the throws of passions
when she had survived
a long hard day
with the trappings of
arguments over inconsequential details of life
whether at work, or
with land lords, or
with children,

and here
here in his arms
it all fell away
and he was there
just for her....

then his voice reminded her
of someone famous
Dominick Dunn maybe

and then she noticed
the tv was on
and she had dozed off
so she turned it off
with the remote, and
returned it to the bedstand
took her glasses off
and hugged her pillow

anticipating the day
it was him
and not a pillow.